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After a long time I finally found someone who made me feel like a worthless whore & a over all pathetic excuse for a woman. I finally realized this & now don't care.

I used to think highly of myself , be healthy, fit motivated & over all happy. I finally met that one person that took that all away from me. I am not motivated about myself anymore, I feel like being a robot, just going through the motions. I used to love with all my heart, but I don't anymore. I am stoic, to the point & just not the old me.

2008 was the worse year of my life, I lost my health, I was hospitalized twice in 2008 possibly soon again, I lost my house during Hurricane Ike & have been nomadic, I have nothing to call my own. I want to give away all my possessions & just start over.

Maybe I am selfish for feeling this way, but last night it came to light that maybe I am just a worthless whore after all.

Maybe I was never a nice person to begin with, maybe I just fool people, maybe I am just a horrible horrible monster. I have no positive feelings about myself what so ever & will never feel anything good about myself ever again.

More to come as I think more.......

So now that I am at this new discovery about myself, it seems that I have upset people. The people who made me believe this are now angry at me for coming to this point. Is honestly not the best policy?

Updated: 01/05/09 10:26 PM Log in to comment! | Share this!

The People Have Spoken

7 Comments

Jan. 5, 2009 | 1:15 PM BizzarreCoyote says:

Hey now, no talking like that. You just have to try to remain positive.

Just remember, it's always darkest before the dawn. Things will get better, just give it a little time. :)

Jan. 5, 2009 | 1:42 PM Valz responds:

You are very sweet. I used to have that same outlook, but now I don't.

I have had all my self respect taken from me & don't think I'll ever feel good about myself ever again.

Jan. 6, 2009 | 9:07 PM Prinzy2 says:

I don't even know what to say. It sound like you want to give up for good, but you say you want to start over.

What would it take to make you happy?

Jan. 6, 2009 | 10:16 PM Valz responds:

For them to give me a chance to prove that I love them & I am sorry for doubting them.

I would give up everything for that.

Jan. 7, 2009 | 7:59 AM Chime says:

First, get fit again. It will make you feel better and healthier. And then get some new friends. When you get new friends after you have been with them awhile tell them your sad. They will try and make you feel better and get some money at a job. Crash at a friends house for awhile. When you get enough money rent a hotel. That should get you better.

Jan. 7, 2009 | 9:08 PM TheWolfe says:

<3
Pm me!

Jan. 8, 2009 | 11:48 AM Sensationalism says:

2008 was the worst year of my life, too. I'm not going into detail, but if you're curious you can pm me and I will.

Anyway, I think therapy might be a good idea for you, if that's something you'd be interested in. Couldn't hurt.

If you're at the bottom, the only way to go is up. Hope things start getting better for you. <3

Jan. 8, 2009 | 7:19 PM pHuXxXB0xX says:

in our times of darkness, we seem to find that shining light we so desperately crave/need.

you'll find yours <3

Jan. 11, 2009 | 8:11 PM Prinzy2 says:

Made you come comfort food. :(